Changes#

Towards the end of 2023, my partner was happily preparing my 30th birthday gift. They put a lot of thought into it, blowing up balloons and cooking a lavish meal. For New Year’s Day, we even went to Beijing, visiting the Forbidden City and Universal Studios. As someone from the north, it was my first time visiting Beijing after all these years, and I was very happy.

2023 was supposed to end peacefully, with us looking forward to a happy 2024, but unexpected events always arise suddenly. This year, we hadn’t argued about whose family to spend Chinese New Year with; the plan was to visit my partner’s family first, then go home. Then one day, while I was still at work, I received a call from my partner. Crying, they said their father might not be doing well and we needed to go back. Hearing this, I knew something was wrong, so I immediately stood up and asked my boss for leave. So I went to the company to pick up my partner, and we immediately set off for home. At the hospital, the doctor’s prognosis was very grim. It was essentially confirmed as cancer, and a very aggressive type – the “king of cancers.” My heart sank upon hearing it. He had seemed perfectly fine just a short while ago, and suddenly he had this disease. Moreover, it was late-stage, with possibly only about three months left. We didn’t give up. The next day, we transferred him to a hospital in Hangzhou. What followed was over half a year of battling cancer. We consulted doctors at major hospitals in Hangzhou and Shanghai, seeing virtually all the renowned specialists. Yet, everything seemed in vain.

Throughout this process, my wife displayed immense courage and resilience. I believe if I were in the same situation, I would likely not have handled it as well as she did. Ultimately, he was brought back to his hometown, and after seeing most of his relatives, he passed away.

Regarding this medical journey, I can only say that patients are truly at a disadvantage when facing hospitals and doctors. A doctor at Zhejiang Second Hospital, who claimed to be an associate chief physician, ended up saying an operation could be performed with almost no information provided to us. When asked about the approximate five-year survival rate if the surgery was successful, and the overall success rate of the surgery, the doctor simply replied, “I’m not a fortune teller; I don’t know either.” We were speechless at that moment.

Later, I went home for the funeral. The entire process felt like a dream. Witnessing my father-in-law’s passing from cancer firsthand had a profound impact on me.

Work#

I attended the company’s Five-Year Service Award ceremony, though I had actually been with Alibaba for six years by then. When I reached my five-year mark, it coincided with the 1+6+N split, and I thought this ceremony might be canceled, especially since there had been no news for a year. In reality, I didn’t feel much during the process. For one, our team’s responsibilities had narrowed from Alibaba Group to Alibaba International. I also didn’t get to experience the “intense” partner speeches that others talked about; there were only some speeches from internal executives. However, I felt they were quite down-to-earth and practical, without too much pomp or empty talk about grand visions.

My managers successively resigned, and for a frontend position like mine, opportunities have essentially vanished. I truly lack motivation at work. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s because my mindset has changed or if the external environment has truly shifted, leading to a lack of passion for my job. Nevertheless, I still manage to find some things to do at work that occasionally feel quite interesting. Of course, I remain diligent and responsible in my work, and people’s evaluations of me are still positive.

Life#

My dad had discomfort in his lumbar spine, so I brought him to Hangzhou for a check-up. The original plan was for him to have surgery here, but he ultimately went back to Xi’an for the operation.

Among my high school classmates, whom I meet once or twice a year, one of them is likely emigrating this year. It’s truly fate to be able to stay in Hangzhou, especially for those whose hometowns are far away.

I took a trip to Japan; it wasn’t a huge culture shock, but I still had many thoughts and feelings. Kyoto’s pace of life isn’t that fast. I’ve been to Japan a few times before, but none of those trips left as strong an impression as this one.

This year, I’ve started to question some of my views on consumption and money. For example, regarding buying a house, one can choose to bear the pressure of a mortgage and buy now, or choose to rent temporarily and wait to see. If I might not be in this city in the future, being burdened with a mortgage for it would be quite painful. After all, the feeling of selling my house in Xi’an was truly liberating. However, the renting experience is indeed a bit inferior. Even though I pay a rather high rent and have invested a lot in daily appliances, trying to prevent a decline in quality of life due to renting, the experience is ultimately not quite the same as owning your own home, as the mindset is different. I used to be a firm advocate for renting, but now I’m starting to feel like I might have been wrong.

A house was built in my hometown; there are quite a few mice, and it doesn’t hold much significance, as we don’t get to live in it.

Goals#

This year, I still need to focus my attention on family. After all, family is the most important thing, and my understanding of this has deepened considerably.