The saying “at thirty, one stands firm” (三十而立) means: “A person at thirty should be able to rely on their own abilities, independently shoulder their responsibilities, and have already determined their life’s pursuits and direction.”

This year I’ve turned thirty, and I’m not sure if I’ve “stood firm” yet; I might be a little short, after all, I still haven’t settled down.

Overall, I’ve lived a rather muddled life, making decisions haphazardly without rigorous or even thoughtful consideration.

I recall yesterday’s company open talk meeting, where the topic was “What do you do when you encounter immense pressure, and how do you release it?” Coincidentally, I was out sick with a fever that day, otherwise, it would have been quite awkward. That’s because I don’t feel I’ve ever experienced immense pressure, so the question of how to release it doesn’t really apply to me. It might sound a bit disingenuous – you’re thirty and haven’t faced significant pressure? Are you a trust fund baby? Of course not. I’ve thought about it myself, and there might be a few reasons:

1. Low starting point. Many people consider a low starting point a disadvantage, but with the right mindset, it’s all benefits. While this might sound a bit idealistic, a person’s feelings ultimately stem from their own thoughts, not external material circumstances:
   • I don’t crave many things. If an opportunity arises, I’ll naturally seize it, but I won’t force it if it doesn’t. That naturally eliminates a lot of worries. My elementary school teacher’s comment about me was, “A newborn calf fears no tiger, but is content with the status quo and lacks ambition.” Looking back now, I think it was an excellent assessment. I truly have always just moved forward with life’s inertia;
   • Because of a low starting point, there’s immense room for upward mobility. I might have only barely acquired what most people are born with by the time I was twenty-five, but I’ve gained a tremendous sense of accomplishment in that process, as if it were pure bonus;
2. I’ve always been good to myself, never actively putting pressure on myself, and this has been true from my school days to my working life:
   • During school, I never forced myself to study, and my entire student life was very happy. Of course, the final results were a bit lacking, which I deserved;
   • After starting work, although my initial income was low, I never shortchanged myself. I lived well, ate well, and was happy every day when I returned home. In my first few years at work, I was very interested in my job and actively studied after work every day, so I progressed quickly. The market conditions were also favorable, leading to relatively smooth career development;
   • It’s worth noting here that continuing to learn after starting work is truly important.
3. My parents are open-minded and don’t actively put pressure on me. Of course, it might also be because I’ve always been relatively good and met their expectations, but they are genuinely open-minded. I always did well in school (high school aside); after starting work, they didn’t push me to get married, and after marriage, they didn’t push me to have children. Of course, it’s possible my older brother was taking the heat for me. But regardless of the process, the result is that I’ve had almost no pressure from my parents;

So, I’ve never felt any immense pressure; of course, there are some minor pressures, but they’re not worth mentioning.

Five years ago, I wrote an article titled “The Past 25 Years,” where I reflected a lot and subsequently made many changes in my life. Now, five years later, I can review the results of those changes. The core change I mentioned back then was: “For the next few years, I plan not to be too genuine, too simple, or too naive. I’ll be a bit more assertive and less reserved, adding a bit of fun to life, treating it as an experiment.”

Looking back now, the changes have been very positive. The core manifestation was when I joined a tour group in Northeast China, playing the “King and Angel” game. I immediately made a simple, highly actionable request: “Take a solo photo with every girl in the group.” In the past, I most likely wouldn’t have done that. The outcome was also great: I ended up gaining a girlfriend and then a wife. Other experiences in work and daily life have also shown slight changes, especially in the first few years, but now I’m somewhat returning to my simpler ways.

Annual Review#

Changes#

There haven’t been any major changes in my life this year. Oh, I got married – I almost forgot! As for married life, well, there are many areas where two people need to adjust to each other, and sometimes it can be quite frustrating. For example, I believe home safety is paramount, so don’t stack trash bins in the emergency exit, and be careful if scissors are left on the table so they don’t fall – similar things that I consider absolutely essential and very important, but despite many discussions, there’s been no resolution. When doing something, one should do it properly; if you don’t do it, then don’t, but if you do, do it seriously. However, my partner often struggles with this. For instance, they said they wanted to dance, bought lessons, and went a few times. They said they wanted to play the piano, but I bought the piano three years ago, and they still can’t play a complete song. They said they’d assemble a model for me, but then pulled a small table into the entryway of the study, placed a huge pile of parts on the tiny table, and then couldn’t find this piece or that piece. I was busy reading cloudflare documentation, and they kept asking me to help them find things, which felt almost intentional. Of course, I have many issues too, and I’ve tried to put myself in their shoes, but I still feel I’m the one with fewer problems. Perhaps it’s the subconscious self-preservation that prevents one from seeing oneself in the wrong.

Achievements#

This year, I still achieved last year’s goal: archery proficiency for shooting at an 18-meter target. However, I’ve already exceeded that goal and can now shoot at a 30-meter target. What’s more, the first time I shot at 18 meters, I hit the target with a single arrow, and at 30 meters, I hit it with two arrows. I can score 3.75 in this discipline, completely exceeding expectations. I truly love shooting; if only I could shoot real guns again.

Experiences#

• First visit to a domestic zoo: Hangzhou Safari Park
• Went to Nan’ao Island for a team-building trip
• Got married
• First concert: Westlife
• Watched the Asian Games
• Visited Hong Kong:
  • Went to Disneyland
  • Went to Ocean Park

Reflections#

The things that have happened at home have had some underlying psychological impact on me. Although I always feel like they shouldn’t have, I can still observe some changes in myself. For example, my patience for unexpected tasks that require it isn’t as good as it used to be. This blog post, for instance, started in ‘23 and is still being written in ‘24, and it’s still a bit of a filler piece. In any case, I need to adjust my mindset, accept what has happened, and keep moving forward.

Goals#

I won’t set any goals for the new year; just adjusting my mindset will suffice.